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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29235768">sunset in the blue</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub'>redsyub</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Emotional Constipation, Estrangement, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Non-Linear Narrative, Smoking, Weddings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:35:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29235768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Minghao returns to Seoul for his friends’ wedding and helps with the preparation for the occasion. Meanwhile, he reconnects with his old friends and reflects on his years-long friendship with Junhui.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sunset in the blue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>trigger warning: although it's already in the tags, i want to reiterate that cheating is a major plotline in this fic</p><p>if you follow me on twitter, you'd be aware of this junhao fever that i've recently contracted and i needed to do something about it so here i am!</p><p>title taken from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qndrrfdmPIA&amp;ab_channel=MelodyGardot">this song</a> which helped set the mood for writing this fic</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> I remembered you with my soul clenched </em>
</p><p>
  <em> in that sadness of mine that you know. </em>
</p><p>—Pablo Neruda</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Myungho-yah!” There is a bright smile on Joshua’s face as he zooms past a crowd of people to reach Minghao. “I’m so glad you could make it.”</p><p> </p><p>And then, Minghao is engulfed in Joshua’s arms, a familiar warmth bursting inside his stomach from the physical contact. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve missed you, you know,” Joshua whispers into Minghao’s ears as they stay wrapped in each other’s embrace, showing no intention of letting go. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I’ve been under the radar for a while, hyung,” Minghao whispers back in an apologetic tone, feeling guilty about the fact that when he decided to cut off from the whole world, he didn’t even spare his absolute <em> treasured people. </em> </p><p> </p><p>Joshua finally leans back with a considerate smile on his face, his fingers automatically moving to stroke the end of Minghao’s glossy black hair, the gesture too <em> affectionate and familiar. </em> Minghao has missed this. Missed how nice it felt to be around someone who cared deeply for him. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t apologise. I completely understand your situation,” Joshua gives him a reply that Minghao had expected, but he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Joshua has always been compassionate and always accepted Minghao’s faults with a warm smile. “Besides, I was willing to wait for years. You were only gone for seven months.” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao returns a tight-lipped smile, tugging Joshua’s hand and intertwining their fingers together. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, we can catch up with my life later,” Minghao tries to deflect the focus from him by mustering a teasing smile on his lips. “Today, I’m here to celebrate <em> you, </em> hyung. I believe congratulations are in order.” </p><p> </p><p>A faint blush spreads over Joshua’s cheeks as he realises the attention has shifted over him.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess,” he replies with a shy smile on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m really happy for you, hyung. I always knew that <em> you and Hansol </em> were meant to be,” Minghao says while squeezing Joshua’s hands, hoping to communicate his elation through the body if, by any chance, his words fail to deliver his message. </p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, Joshua-ssi. I was sent to fetch you. You are needed to finalise the catering menu.” A man interrupts them and Joshua nods in affirmation, turning to look back at Minghao with an apologetic face. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, I need to tell you one thing before I forget about it. You should find <em> Junnie,” </em> Joshua directs. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao knew seeing Junhui was inevitable, but the name still takes him by surprise, and he tries his level best to remain composed. </p><p> </p><p>“Junhwi hyung?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, seeing as you both are going to be respective <em> best men </em> at the wedding, it would be good if you both meet each other and discuss your responsibilities, maybe share them,” Joshua suggests and then with a hurried hug, leaves Minghao alone to recoup with his current situation. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>High schools are meant to be the most difficult time of a student’s life as the person makes essential decisions related to their future career path while going through erratic hormonal changes. On top of it all, attending a high school in a foreign country increases the burden of also having the need to be recognised and accepted by everyone. </p><p> </p><p>When Minghao learnt that his father was offered a job relocation to Seoul, he couldn’t really blame him for wanting to ascend in his career and without making any fuss, he had himself admitted to an international school located in Itaewon. </p><p> </p><p>The thing about being the new kid in a school that is half-filled with foreign students is that people always want you to have <em> someone </em> by your side who can guide you through things while you learn to adapt yourself in the new location. </p><p> </p><p>And so on his second day of being a freshman in high school, Minghao comes face to face with a <em> senior </em> whose bangs cover his eyes and the braces hinder his smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hello! You’re the new kid on the block,” he speaks in Mandarin while blocking Minghao’s path. There is a bashful smile on his face and Minghao doesn’t know if he’s allowed to punch a senior student. “Nice to meet you, my name is Wen Junhui.”</p><p> </p><p>“Xu Minghao,” he replies anyway, trying to find his way around Junhui. The latter moves to impede his escape plans.</p><p> </p><p><em> “Eyy! </em> What’s the hurry?” Junhui asks with a mild scowl on his face. “I’m only here to help you.” </p><p> </p><p><em> “Help me?” </em> Minghao counters with a suspicious glance. Junhui heaves a heavy breath and then gently plucks Minghao’s schedule from his hands. He reads the paper carefully while humming.</p><p> </p><p>He hands back the paper to Minghao and places his hands on Minghao’s shoulders, slowly leaning forward and looking into his eyes. It’s a <em> weird feeling </em> having a stranger invade his private space and Minghao feels extremely <em> uncomfortable </em> under Junhui’s scrutiny. It’s his second day, and he does not want to create a scene in the corridor so the only thing Minghao can do is stare right back into the depths of nut-brown eyes and control his impulses.</p><p> </p><p>“Trust me. You <em> need </em> me.” </p><p> </p><p>And this is how Minghao gets stuck with him and becomes Junhui’s mentee. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>Even when Minghao is supposed to be looking for Junhui, he tries his best to not <em> actively </em> find the man and instead explore the venue where the wedding is supposed to take place tomorrow. He sees a lot of new faces along with a bunch of familiar ones. Making small talk with old friends is tough. Everyone looks at him with <em> pity </em> flickering in their eyes and instead of finding comfort in the support, Minghao feels <em> nothing.  </em></p><p> </p><p>After all, Minghao does not regret his <em> divorce. </em> It was inevitable, and he was only breaking his heart to fix something that was broken beyond repair. </p><p> </p><p>He gets a tap on his shoulder while admiring the flower arrangement of the entrance and turns around to find Wonwoo looking at him with a brilliant smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Seo Myungho!” Wonwoo extends his arms and Minghao automatically closes the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Wonwoo’s broad shoulders and inhaling the scent of sweet musk. </p><p> </p><p>“Wonwoo hyung,” Minghao acknowledges as he pulls back and looks at Wonwoo joyfully. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s good to see your face,” Wonwoo says as he directs his eyes towards the flower arrangement and joins Minghao in admiring the ornamentation. </p><p> </p><p>“You look handsome as ever,” Minghao expresses his sincere thoughts. An amused expression forms on Wonwoo’s face as he turns to look at Minghao. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Oh? </em> Now that you’re back on the market, are you going to flirt with me?” Wonwoo asks in a playful tone. It makes Minghao chuckle, and he looks at Wonwoo with a playful smile of his own.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve always called you handsome, hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but you were <em> never </em> single before,” Wonwoo comments innocuously. And it is true. Minghao was introduced to Wonwoo eight years ago as <em> Junhui’s lover. </em> Their relationship clearly didn’t last for more than a year but at least the trio was able to develop strong bonds. Or at least Minghao and Junhui were able to <em> separately </em> maintain their relationships with Wonwoo. Minghao can’t say the same for his relationship with Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>He technically hasn’t talked to Junhui in <em> four years. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Are you single at the moment?” Minghao asks instead, curious to know how the past year has treated Wonwoo. </p><p> </p><p>“No, I can’t keep up with Junhwi any longer. I had to abandon his <em> bachelor’s ship </em> after I met the love of my life.” Minghao hears Wonwoo’s response and the first thing he registers is <em> not </em> the fact that Wonwoo has someone special in his life. It’s the fact that after all these years, Junhui <em> still hasn’t </em> found someone to settle down with. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao doesn’t understand but the knowledge of Junhui’s relationship status brings a <em> mystifying ache </em> to his heart. He honestly doesn’t know how to take the news. He thinks he should remain neutral with the information, but his heart is already plotting its course of action and Minghao can’t seem to control it. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for mentioning his name,” Wonwoo says and Minghao knows his face must’ve delivered the wrong message here. </p><p> </p><p>“No, hyung. I sincerely don’t mind,” Minghao tries to assure Wonwoo, but he doesn’t know if he sounds sincere enough. He squeezes Wonwoo’s shoulders for better measures. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” Wonwoo presses and this is where Minghao realises that this is going to be a pattern that he should get used to. Even though <em> seven months </em> have passed since the divorce, it is Minghao’s first official appearance. People are bound to show their sympathy and treat him as a <em> fragile person </em> who needs to be handled with care. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Anyway enough about me. I am dying to meet this love of your life. Did they accompany you today?” Minghao asks, looping his arm around Wonwoo and genially pulling him close. </p><p> </p><p>A pleasant smile blossoms on Wonwoo’s face, and he nods shyly. </p><p> </p><p>“You will love <em> Chan.” </em></p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>Korean people take age very seriously, and it plays a big role in the mannerism of the people. As long as Minghao lives in South Korea, he has to <em> confine </em> himself to the ways of his peers and show respect to anyone born before 1997 and demand respect from those born after 1997. </p><p> </p><p>But when it comes to his relationship with Junhui, this is where Minghao decides to draw a line and <em> emphasise </em> his nationality along with Junhui’s. They both come from a different country where not much importance is given to honorifics. And quite honestly, it’s very <em> hard </em> for Minghao to treat Junhui as an elder when the man acts like a 5-year-old kid almost all the time. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Myungho-yah?” Junhui calls his name. It’s lunch break, and they are sitting in the cafeteria along with Joshua, a 12th-grade student who happens to be a very close friend of Junhui’s. And by extension, he has also become a close friend of Minghao’s. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know if my heart is located on the left or the right side?” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao stops reading his manhwa and looks up with a puzzled expression. Junhui is meant to be a year older than him and hence have more knowledge about these things. If anything, he does happen to have the best grades on this table if that counts for something even though all three are in different grades, and it’s kind of an unfair comparison. </p><p> </p><p>“Left side?” Minghao replies, but it sounds like he’s questioning instead. </p><p> </p><p>A smirk forms on Junhui’s face and his hand reaches for Minghao, punching him lightly on his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s on <em> your side!” </em> Junhui says cheerfully. There is so much liveliness in his voice and the mild impact on Minghao’s chest leaves behind a sensation that’s so <em> foreign </em> that it baffles him. But if he tries to understand the feeling hard enough, it’s a good one. It makes him peculiarly happy. It makes no sense. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao turns around to look at Joshua.</p><p> </p><p>“How am I supposed to react to this?” Minghao asks him. Joshua shrugs back, not taking his eyes off his textbook, but there is a hint of a smile on his lips. It’s easy to make out that Joshua finds this situation <em> immensely </em> amusing. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to take everything so seriously, Myungho. You’re welcome to use this pick-up line on a girl next time,” Junhui says as he gets back to his own reading, no offence taken over Minghao’s lack of reaction. </p><p> </p><p><em> Use it on a girl next time. </em> Minghao feels uneasy at the prospect of using it on another girl. It feels like someone is grabbing his heart and squeezing it tightly in between their palm, making it impossible for Minghao to think clearly as all he can focus on is the pain that <em> pulsates </em> inside him.  </p><p> </p><p>Minghao thinks he sees himself from another boy’s eyes and <em> doesn’t </em> recognise the person that sits on the table currently.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Who is he? What is he supposed to be? </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>Minghao soon finds the man that he flew to Seoul for in the first place. Hansol is sitting at one of the tables with two other people who are most likely wedding planners in Minghao’s opinion. He’s massaging his temple with his fingers while talking to the other two people and Minghao can only imagine the <em> stress </em> he must be under. </p><p> </p><p>Weddings are usually supposed to be an occasion of happiness where people come to celebrate the <em> victory of love. </em> But the build-up to that joyous moment where the couple exchanges their vows is usually very <em> daunting. </em> Minghao knows about it through experience. Although in his case, the primary cause of stress wasn’t just the wedding preparations but a pang of <em> guilt </em> that he had tried to bury for so long until one day, it crawled its way back to the surface and blasted like a time bomb, bringing an end to something that was built over sand, <em> never meant to last. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Hansol-ah?” Minghao carefully calls for the man, hoping he isn’t intruding in some important discussion. Hansol raises his chin and looks positively relieved to see Minghao’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Myungho hyung!” Hansol gets up from the chair and Minghao walks closer so that they can greet each other with a hug. He gets crushed in Hansol’s strong arms and makes a loud wounded noise but Hansol only tightens his grip and Minghao thinks that this is the <em> good pain </em> that he has missed for so long. He’s barely been in physical touch with another human for the past seven months, keeping to himself and sticking to verbal conversations wherever necessary.</p><p> </p><p>He has missed this. Missed how warm another person’s touch can feel. He has already hugged so many people today that his overstimulated brain has lost count. He wonders how many more people he’ll get to hug. Furthermore, he wonders by the time he finally meets him, will he get to <em> hug him? </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry I couldn’t come to the airport to pick you up,” Hansol says and Minghao quickly brushes him off, completely understanding his priorities at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Minghao says as he turns to look at the wedding planners who are looking at them with polite smiles on their faces. “And now tell me, what do you need me to do as <em> your best man?” </em> </p><p> </p><p>Hansol brightens up and looks down at his shoes, a very huge smile forming on his lips. Hansol’s grin has always been infectious and Minghao can’t help but join him. He giggles as he appreciates Hansol’s cuteness and they both end up laughing together unabatedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, can you believe I’m getting married to Joshua hyung?” Hansol asks after they both recover from their fit of laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao thinks about the question. Hansol met Joshua through him and Junhui. He was a freshman in high school and when Minghao met him during one of his dance practices, Hansol had bravely asked Minghao, who was his upperclassman, to a dance battle and the latter had been greatly impressed by Hansol’s valour. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao had obviously won the battle later on but Hansol had managed to <em> win </em> a special place in Minghao’s life. And through fate, he was able to befriend Joshua, a college student at the time. The connection between Hansol and Joshua came easily, even when they met in a country where the age gap mattered, and they didn’t really care about what the society expected from them. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao still remembers when he was 23-years-old and living in Lisbon for the summer, struggling to get by with his broken Portuguese and hoping to draw inspiration for his next masterpiece. He had got a call from an overly excited Hansol. Hansol had gushed about how he had gone rock-climbing with Joshua and afterwards they had decided to grab food at a restaurant. And in a perfectly casual conversation, Joshua had confessed his feelings to Hansol. </p><p> </p><p>That was <em> six years </em> ago. Minghao was a different man back then. He was young, naive and in a very happy and fulfilling relationship. His relationship was so strong that even when he was spending a whole summer apart from his boyfriend, there was never an iota of jealousy that happened to manifest between the two. </p><p> </p><p>Now, Minghao knows that he never really deserved the <em> trust </em> his ex-husband had in him. Their marriage was doomed even before it began. </p><p> </p><p>“You both have been together forever. I have waited for this day to come for so long that even my hair has started to grey out,” Minghao quips with a cheeky smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey! It took you <em> seven years </em> to tie the knot!” Hansol defends himself vehemently but then instantly realises the context of his sentence. Minghao notices him trying to fumble with an apology, following the same trend everyone has been using on Minghao. Apparently, Minghao does not even get spared by his <em> best friend’s pity. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Well, it took me a little over <em> three years </em> to untie the knot,” Minghao replies before Hansol has a chance to come up with an imposed apology.</p><p> </p><p>Hansol heaves a heavy sigh and turns around with a gloomy expression. </p><p> </p><p>“Now that you’re here, as an artist, could you please speak with the head photographer and understand his team’s SOP. Maybe direct them in a way that you see fit for our wedding,” Hansol speaks as he goes back to his place at the table. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao agrees without any hesitation. He’s always happy to be of help and being busy with some sort of work will help him in delaying his inevitable meeting with a certain someone. </p><p> </p><p>He starts to walk away from Hansol with a purpose in his mind. </p><p> </p><p>“Also, it’d be nice if you catch up with Junhwi hyung while you’re here!” Hansol yells. Minghao keeps walking without giving him an answer.</p><p> </p><p>Well, so much for having a <em> different purpose </em> in his mind. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>When Minghao opens his apartment’s door to find Junhui bent over, clutching his thighs while wheezing, he forgets about his inner turmoil for a little while and guffaws in the foyer instead. Junhui’s whole body is flushed from the physical exertion and a small, evil part of Minghao is <em> satisfied </em> to see Junhui suffering like this. </p><p> </p><p>“Yah!” Junhui screams indignantly. Minghao’s laughter becomes louder, his whole body trembling with the force of it. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, Junhui?”</p><p> </p><p>“You said it was a matter of life and death!” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but you didn’t have to put your <em> own life </em> on the line for this!” Minghao raises his voice as well, but his tone is amused, and he’s holding himself back from breaking into another fit of laughter. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Minghao!” </em> Junhui screams, the wild flaming in his wide eyes while his face is painted in shades of red. </p><p> </p><p>He guides Junhui inside and takes him to his room. It’s when Junhui finally flumps over his bed that Minghao realises the gravity of the situation. He takes a tentative look at Junhui to find the man looking back at him with earnest eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui has changed a lot in the past year. For one, his braces are off and with Minghao’s proper guidance, he has started to decently style his hair. He’s almost an adult now, on the verge of graduating from high school and the acne scars have started to lighten on his face. </p><p> </p><p>In simple words what Minghao is trying to imply is that Junhui is a handsome boy who is desired by anyone who happens to lay their eyes on him. Minghao knows he has <em> other things </em> to worry about at the moment, but his eyes betray him, and he ends up looking at Junhui with a vacant look on his face, admiring the disposition of his moles, the dip of his top lip, the glossiness of his eyes and the softness of his expression. </p><p> </p><p>“Where are your parents?” Junhui asks. Minghao shakes away his thoughts and grabs a pen from his desk, spinning it around his fingers as he settles on the chair. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t know. Probably some dinner party. They’ll be home after midnight,” he says casually, hoping to feign disinterest. </p><p> </p><p>“Have you had dinner?” Junhui asks while looking out the window. The pale moonlight dances over his face and highlights his sharp nose, the contours of his face getting defined artistically. Junhui is an <em> art </em> and Minghao’s fingers itch to <em> immortalise </em> this view on a canvas. He resists. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I did. And you?” </p><p> </p><p>“I had dinner at school,” Junhui replies. </p><p> </p><p>“Right. Are you well-prepared to give the entrance exams?”</p><p> </p><p>“Minghao.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” </p><p> </p><p>“Stop deflecting,” Junhui says as he leans forward to look at Minghao with resoluteness burning in his eyes. Minghao takes a huge gulp in return, the sound echoing in the bedroom. “I can see that something is eating you alive. You don’t need to talk in circles when you’re with me. <em> Trust me </em> and just let it all out.” </p><p> </p><p>Junhui is the kind of person who fails to act his age almost all the time, choosing to not let responsibilities affect his mood and adopting a devil-may-care approach to life. It usually works in his favour and people are attracted to his exuberant light like a moth to a flame. Minghao has no qualms taking care of him because, in a way, Minghao always wants to <em> take care </em> of people and craves to be <em> needed </em> by someone.</p><p> </p><p>But sometimes, Junhui <em> deviates </em> from his normal deportment and shows the gentle side of an elder brother where he diligently listens to the person and gives comfort to them when they desperately need it. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao suddenly remembers what his mother used to tell him when he was a kid. A band-aid should always be ripped off quickly because it only brings in more pain if it’s peeled off slowly, no matter how careful the motion may be. You only feel the pain for that split second if you quickly peel it off and the pain does not linger after. </p><p> </p><p>He thinks that the same analogy can be applied to his current situation. He could either draw this out and further increase his paranoia while the time ticks away, or he could just vomit the sentence out of his mouth at once. There is only <em> one </em> outcome no matter how he says it or when and Minghao is clueless as to <em> what </em> it might be. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe he should just rip off the ban–</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gay.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence shortly follows after his big revelation and Minghao feels hot all over as the anxiety starts to lick up his body. His whole body feels like it’s burning up in flames, and he turns around to fetch the water bottle, hoping the cool water will dissipate the heat.</p><p> </p><p>Minghao notices a very slight twitch on Junhui’s lips that slowly unfurls into a tranquil smile. He looks at Junhui with a baffled expression as he tries to discern the reason behind a smile. He can’t differentiate if it's a smile of <em> acceptance or mockery. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Why are you smiling?” Minghao asks suspiciously.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Junhui starts with an amused tone. “Joshua would be happy to learn that you’ll probably be <em> joining us </em> in our excursions to check out cute boys.” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao looks at Junhui with an indistinguishable face, trying to decipher the <em> unspoken </em> words floating behind the silvery voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you serious?” Minghao asks weakly, his voice barely above a whisper. It takes him so much effort to even open his vocal cords, and he is starting to believe that Junhui might be pulling his leg. </p><p> </p><p>“Why would I lie to you?” And one question is all it takes for Minghao’s heart to crumble with the debilitating realisation that Junhui hid something so <em> monumental </em> about his identity from Minghao all this time. He feels cheated and there is an <em> ache </em> simmering deep in his chest that hurts more than a bloody ulcer. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao is no stranger to the feeling of being betrayed having to grow up and learn the <em> bitterness </em> entwined with it the hard way by being neglected by his workaholic parents. But there is something so nuanced about knowing that the same feeling of betrayal comes from someone he trusts more than his <em> own blood </em> that makes Minghao want to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>At the moment, he’s not disgusted by his <em> identity </em> but by his <em> unimportant existence. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you–” Minghao's voice comes out squeaky, so he coughs to open up his throat and look at Junhui with blazing eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me that <em> before, </em> huh?” He screams at the top of his lungs and hears the echo fill the unbearable silence between them. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui’s amiable countenance falters, his features slowly melting away to form the face of a man that looks too old for his age. Junhui does not provide Minghao with an answer and the <em> absence </em> of communication hurts Minghao more. </p><p> </p><p>“Why wouldn’t you just tell me, Junhui-ge?” Minghao asks in a frail voice as he climbs down the chair and sits on the floor, letting the coldness from the tiled-floor permeate into his now numb body. “Don’t you <em> trust </em> me?” </p><p> </p><p>The moment those words leave Minghao’s lips, Junhui moves at the speed of light, springing from the bed and joining Minghao on the floor, wrapping his hands gently around Minghao’s head and resting it over his shoulders. Minghao wants to pull back but Junhui is <em> solid and warm, and </em> he desperately needs to feel something, just about anything. </p><p> </p><p>“It was never about trust, Minghao.” Junhui’s voice warbles in Minghao’s ears, and he shudders from the vibrations. Minghao does not even realise, but he’s crying, the tears staining Junhui’s soft sweater. Junhui wordlessly rubs his other hand over the planes of Minghao’s back in soothing circles, aiding him to calm his nerves. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I’m scared to lose you,” Junhui finally gives Minghao an answer that he doesn’t quite understand.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” Junhui lets out a heavy sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Take your own example. A few minutes ago, weren’t you scared that your orientation might scare me away and you’d end up losing me forever?” Junhui asks rhetorically. “It was the same for me. I was just <em> too scared </em> to lose you and thought I’d let you know when the time was right.” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao visibly relaxes with the confession. He understands now, completely accepts why he was kept in the dark for so long. Minghao knows he has had a hard time coming to terms with his sexuality. If he had previously known about Junhui’s or Joshua’s sexuality, maybe he would’ve stayed in denial for <em> longer. </em></p><p> </p><p>But Minghao is done pretending, and he’s glad that he’s not alone. He is warm and comfortable in Junhui’s arms, and it’s all that matters to him for now. </p><p> </p><p>After a while, Junhui picks him up effortlessly from the floor and helps him lay down on his bed, tucking the blanket around his body. Minghao’s eyes burn from shedding tears that could have filled up a pond. His voice doesn’t come out, and it feels like it has been buried for the night. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui announces that he won’t leave Minghao alone for the night and has already informed his family that he’ll be staying at Minghao’s place.</p><p> </p><p>Minghao peacefully sleeps with Junhui by his side, feeling protected in his arms. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This is his haven.  </em>
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</p><p>It’s not that Minghao is trying to avoid meeting <em> only </em> Junhui today, but there is <em> another </em> person that Minghao thinks he can survive without meeting. Unfortunately, he has already made eye contact with the said person who is sitting alone on one of the tables, and now he finds himself making his way towards Mingyu.</p><p> </p><p>There really isn’t anything significant that Minghao has against Mingyu. In fact, once upon a time, Minghao got along supremely well with Mingyu. They had similar tastes, common likes and were essentially artists. While one displayed his masterpiece on permanent material, the other delivered his art through performance. </p><p> </p><p>Five years ago, Minghao was introduced to Mingyu as Junhui’s then-boyfriend. They both met each other while working on a film which starred Mingyu as the lead actor and whose script was written by Junhui. As far as Minghao remembers, their relationship was built to satiate more of their <em> physical needs </em> rather than <em> emotional ones. </em> And naturally, just like all of Junhui’s relationships, it didn’t last long. But also, just like all of Junhui’s exes, Mingyu ended up becoming Junhui’s friend. A very <em> close friend. </em></p><p> </p><p>So close that after Minghao and Junhui cut off ties with each other, the void left behind by Minghao in Junhui’s life was filled by Mingyu. And after learning about the veracity of their bond, it didn’t seem like a good idea to stay in touch with Mingyu. </p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Kim Mingyu-ssi. I’m a big fan! Will you take a selca with me?” Minghao tries to break the ice with an innocuous request, a mischievous grin on his face. It’s been four years, and he isn’t sure if Mingyu still likes him or hates him. Minghao won’t be surprised if it’s the latter. He’s sure Junhui must’ve told him the reason their friendship ended so suddenly without any prior warning signs. </p><p> </p><p>Mingyu doesn’t look offended or revolted. On the contrary, an unexpected smile blooms on his face, his eyebrows bunching from the surprise. Minghao takes it as a sign to sit on the vacant chair beside him. </p><p> </p><p>“Myungho-yah. Wow, I can’t believe–” Mingyu shakes his head and retracts his chain of thoughts. “It’s really good to see your face, old friend.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Old friend. </em> It’s even a bigger surprise that Mingyu is willing to still address him as a friend. </p><p> </p><p>“You, too, Mingyu. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen you,” Minghao says.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of saying anything, Mingyu just calmly assesses Minghao with a mellow smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Four years can go by in a blink for some and for others, it could be an awfully long time. Regardless of how we choose to perceive it, I’ve <em> missed </em> you, Myungho. I really have,” Mingyu says with a stable voice and Minghao easily accepts the sincerity in the confession. Mingyu wasn’t the type of man who used to lie anyway, always wearing his heart on the sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry we drifted apart,” Minghao apologises because deep down, he knows he’s partly to be blamed. </p><p> </p><p>“I have no ill feelings in my heart for you, if that helps,” Mingyu clarifies. </p><p> </p><p>“No, I understand. You were just being loyal to <em> him,” </em> Minghao says as he picks up a piece of cloth from the table. He unfolds the cloth deftly and then slowly starts folding it against the creases to form something new. </p><p> </p><p>“Although, aren’t you being unfaithful to him by talking to me now?” Minghao weakly grins while asking the question. Mingyu chuckles after hearing it, his canines peeking through his open mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Trust me. He’d <em> want </em> me to stick with you,” Mingyu states it with a resolute expression, and it feels like Junhui personally asked Mingyu to stay with him. Truth be told, it is something that Minghao can expect from Junhui, but he still <em> refuses </em> to believe in it because he does not want to raise his hopes over <em> crumbs. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be honest, I don’t know what happened between you two,” Mingyu continues after taking Minghao’s silence as a response. “It was truly shocking, and I couldn’t understand what truly happened. One moment, Junhwi hyung was officially the <em> best man </em> at your wedding and throwing you the greatest bachelor party known to mankind and the next moment, he was booking a flight to Simchon and you were desperately calling Hansol to be your best man. Like I’ve always wondered — <em> what went wrong?” </em></p><p> </p><p>Minghao <em> knows </em> what went wrong but what surprises him the most is the fact that Mingyu <em> doesn’t. </em> Before cutting ties, Minghao and Junhui had collectively agreed to keep it from Hansol and Joshua because they didn’t want to break their relationship by making them choose a side in their dispute. But he had always assumed that Junhui must’ve revealed it to someone, possibly the next closest person in his life, i.e., Mingyu. </p><p> </p><p>This is clearly an <em> unexpected </em> turn of events.</p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Said he didn’t want the common people shared between you two to have to go through the cruel decision of taking sides. Said that he didn’t want unwarranted hate directed towards you when he was equally to be blamed. Said that we as humans try so hard to categorise this world in white and black when on the whole, this world is painted completely in shades of grey. You know, <em> typical Moon Junhwi answers,” </em> Mingyu relays with vague hand gestures but Minghao gets it. Even with his usual childish behaviour, Wen Junhui always had the knack of giving out philosophical answers.</p><p> </p><p>“Only Seungkwan knows about it, I believe,” Mingyu further adds. </p><p> </p><p><em> “Seungkwan?” </em> Minghao has no idea about the identity of this new entrant who supposedly has the <em> privilege </em> of knowing Junhui’s deepest and darkest secrets. </p><p> </p><p>“Umm, he’s Junhwi hyung’s best friend,” Mingyu elucidates. He brings his fingers to the back of his ears and scratches there, looking down shyly at the table. “And also my boyfriend.” </p><p> </p><p>The first emotion that comes to Minghao’s mind is <em> relief. </em> He’s so relieved to find that Seungkwan is taken. Then, he feels <em> happiness </em> taking over him as he concludes that Mingyu finally found a man to love because he remembers Mingyu being a hopeless romantic, always looking for love in the wrong places.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! That’s good to hear,” Minghao says with a smile. Mingyu returns an appreciative smile of his own. </p><p> </p><p>As the time goes by, Minghao realises that it’s not that he’s been successful at avoiding bumping into Junhui but the man actually has been absent from the venue, to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Junhwi hyung?” he finally asks while placing a rock over his heart. </p><p> </p><p>“He’s gone to meet the couturier with Seungkwan to fetch the grooms’ suits for tomorrow’s wedding.” Minghao hums in response. He starts drumming his fingers on the table, getting restless while waiting for something he is too scared to face. </p><p> </p><p>“You can just ask if you’re curious,” Mingyu gives Minghao an opening that he probably doesn’t deserve. </p><p> </p><p>“How– how is he?” </p><p> </p><p>Mingyu’s peaceful expression finally dissolves to reveal months of pent-up fatigue over his face. Minghao gulps loudly, feeling all the <em> repressed </em> guilt surfacing back up again and suffocating in it. This is <em> his doing </em> and the worst part is he knows and has <em> always known. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“He’s changed a lot,” Mingyu’s voice sounds frigid and forced. “We are all so worried about him. I– I’m tired of stopping him from <em> destroying himself, </em> Myungho-yah.”</p><p> </p><p>Minghao feels like his heart is disintegrating and flying down to burn in the pits of hell. </p><p>
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</p><p>“There is a limit to everything, Wen Junhui,” Minghao exasperatedly berates Junhui while he strives to navigate the car through the dense fog. It’s close to midnight and the visibility is barely 50 meters, hence Minghao’s top speed is only 30 kilometres per hour. </p><p> </p><p>It was meant to be a seemingly normal night for Minghao. He had made good progress on one of his commission paintings and attended one of Siwoo’s (his boyfriend of six years) associates’ launch party for his product into the market. Minghao was in a good mood and was ready to do his nighttime routine after reaching home. But he was rudely interrupted by a phone call from Junhui and later on found himself driving 80 kilometres south on Gyeongbu Expressway to pick up Junhui from an abandoned compound in Cheonan-si.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to stop acting like a reckless teenager for the love of God. You are 25-years-old! Do you see this <em> fucking fog </em> in front of us? No wonder you couldn’t get any taxi or bus back home. Why did you think it’d be a good idea to come out here all alone without informing anyone <em> in the first place?” </em> Minghao asks.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you,” Junhui’s starts in a tired voice. It irks Minghao that Junhui even has the gall to display weariness when he made Minghao drive in the dense fog after a tiring day. “I’m doing some research for this script I’m working on.” </p><p> </p><p>“Couldn’t you have done this during daylight?” </p><p> </p><p>“I needed to know how it’s like to be in that place during <em> nighttime!” </em> Junhui counters fervently.</p><p> </p><p>Minghao has half a mind to smack Junhui on his head, but he controls his impulses, knowing that it’s dangerous to remove his eyes even for a second from the road under such inclement conditions.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve noticed that you’ve been acting out lately. Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Minghao presses. </p><p> </p><p>“If there was anything to tell, trust me, I would tell you,” Junhui replies, his voice sounding detached and foreign. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you get into a fight with Mingyu?” Minghao asks the question that has been cycling in his mind for too long. It explains Junhui’s recent streak of reckless behaviour. He started dating Mingyu a month back and since then, Minghao feels that his relationship with Junhui has started to strain. He’s slowly floating away from Junhui, the <em> tethers </em> connecting him to Junhui slowly coming undone. </p><p> </p><p>“How did <em> Mingyu </em> come into this argument?” Junhui asks sharply and Minghao notices irritation seeping in Junhui’s tone. </p><p> </p><p>“Because you don’t see anyone else nowadays. It’s just not me that you’ve stopped hanging out with recently. You don’t even meet Joshua or Hansol or even Wonwoo! This radio silence from you is worrying us all,” Minghao speaks loudly, hoping his words will go through Junhui’s thick skull. </p><p> </p><p>“Mingyu and I are good,” Junhui says in a dismissive tone. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” </p><p> </p><p>“Well Minghao,” Junhui starts and Minghao can feel the heat of Junhui’s anger pricking the right side of his body. “Do you want me to go into <em> detail </em> of how Mingyu and I communicate every day? What's it like to date a celebrity? How we fuck every single night like two prurient savages? <em> Do you?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Minghao does not answer even though he’s conflicted with hundreds of feelings inside his head. On one hand, he doesn’t want to know about Junhui’s relationship for his own peace of mind. On the other hand, a sick and twisted part of him wants to know everything, <em> all the good and the bad, </em> and use it against Junhui in his own favour in the future. Use it to bring Junhui <em> back to his side.  </em></p><p> </p><p>But it’s a possessive thought that Minghao shouldn’t have. He has no right to stake his claim on Junhui and no reason to bring it to light. So he grips the wheel a little tighter and tries to subdue his <em> green emotions.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes, it feels like I’m talking to you through a thick glass. You can see that something is wrong with me but when I try to convey my problems to you, you can’t hear them,” Junhui speaks up thoughtfully. Minghao only grows more confused.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you trying to say?” Minghao asks. Junhui sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” And just like always, Junhui recedes like a wave on the shore. But Minghao can’t let go tonight. He needs to chase this wave while it still runs along the beach. </p><p> </p><p>He veers the car to the right and parks the car on the side belt. </p><p> </p><p>“No, talk to me,” Minghao says while turning towards Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>“I told you, forget about it.” It infuriates Minghao how stubborn Junhui can be sometimes. And usually, he would let it go, but he can’t tonight. His instincts tell him to hold on to this hook and use it to pull Junhui towards him and unravel the secrets that he has started to keep.</p><p> </p><p>“Junhui,” Minghao pleads, and he hears his voice crack by the end.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was Minghao’s fault that he had put down his guard to show his vulnerable side in the hopes of manipulating Junhui. But by the time he becomes cognizant of Junhui’s actions, the man has already unlocked the door and stepped out of the vehicle. </p><p> </p><p>“No, wait!” Minghao screams in panic. He watches Junhui’s figure quickly disappear amid fog in desolate horror as the man saunters ahead of the parked car.</p><p> </p><p><em> “Gege!” </em> Minghao hurriedly follows after but stops in his tracks as he gauges the blanket of fog surrounding them. It’s way too risky to wander away from the car in this weather. </p><p> </p><p>“Junhui-ge, please! This isn’t the time to fool around!” Minghao yells. The cold winds lash over his exposed face, making it hard for him to keep his eyes open, the pain gradually spreading over his body. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao is inundated with the <em> fear </em> of losing Junhui. It starts to claw down from the end of his skull along the spine until it reaches the stomach and a foul concoction of <em> fear and abandonment </em> seethes inside. He is aware that nothing is meant to last forever but the awareness of having Junhui out of his life chokes him up, and he feels wetness trailing around the corner of his nose. </p><p> </p><p>“Junhui-ge! I’m begging you! <em> Come back!” </em> Minghao screams desperately. His voice is high-pitched and wet, but he can’t seem to care. Minghao can’t breathe, and it feels like all the blood has been drained from his lungs. </p><p> </p><p>“Geg–”</p><p> </p><p>Minghao feels a hand gripping his shoulder roughly, and he gets pushed against the car, his back hitting the cold metal and glass. The violent act should aggravate his pain but a <em> warm </em> wave of relief washes over his conscience as his eyes land on the perpetrator.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever noticed that you only ever call me gege when you lose control over the situation?” Junhui’s voice comes out low and silky smooth, a slight flame of power reflecting in his eyes momentarily. Minghao’s body goes lax, and he curls his fingers around the lapels of Junhui’s coat, holding on to them for dear life as his puffs of breath get condensed in the cold climate. As his mind comprehends that the control is back in his possession, his erratic heartbeat calms down.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh right, I forgot.” Junhui studies his face and brings his warm hand to cover it with Minghao’s cold one. “Congratulations on your engagement.”</p><p> </p><p>Minghao meets Junhui’s gaze and for the first time in his life, he <em> cannot </em> decipher the look on his face. The face that once Minghao could read like the back of his hand is now metamorphosed into a beautiful face of <em> hollow eyes and a fake smile. </em></p><p>
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</p><p>Talking with Mingyu comes naturally to Minghao, the words and motions old yet familiar. Mingyu doesn’t mind filling in Minghao about everyone’s life starting from his own illustrious life of a celebrity to how Wonwoo met passionate and considerate Chan. And because Mingyu has always been good at reading the room and empathising with others' emotions, he more or less keeps Junhui out of every topic of conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“So anyway, where have you been recently?” Mingyu carefully diverts the focus on Minghao. </p><p> </p><p>“Ansan.”</p><p> </p><p><em> “China? </em> I would’ve thought that you might have been living in one of the European countries,” Mingyu comments. “How is it?” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s been good. I’ve been helping my grandfather renovate the family home and silently working on my paintings.” </p><p> </p><p>“Acrylic?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve shifted to lacquer. Thought it’d be nice to go back to my ancestral roots,” Minghao says. He watches Mingyu’s phone bombard with notifications and wonders whether Junhui is sending him messages. </p><p> </p><p>“Why Ansan?” Mingyu asks with knitted eyebrows, looking utterly confused by Minghao’s current location. </p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to be somewhere I’ll always belong. Where I didn’t have to pretend to be someone that I’m not.” In a way, Minghao thinks he has always been looking for a place that he could call home. A place where he could <em> heal </em> and feel what he thought was never <em> real. </em></p><p> </p><p>He thought <em> Seoul </em> was his home, but he never graced the city with a love he should’ve. He thought his home was somewhere in <em> Siwoo’s arms, </em> but he lied to the man all along when the other confidingly shared his heart with Minghao. In the end, the one place where he didn’t think of looking, where his heart truly wanted to reside, was somewhere that was always <em> in his reach. </em> </p><p> </p><p>“I know it must be hard for you to wander around here, greet people and watch them show you sympathetic smiles and insincere words,” Mingyu suddenly changes the direction of their conversation after Minghao makes small talk with an old acquaintance who passed by their table. “I mean, isn't it hard?”</p><p> </p><p>“They all think I’m heartbroken and sinking in my sorrows because it was a decade long relationship and we were the idealised high school sweethearts,” Minghao replies.</p><p> </p><p>“But you <em> aren’t </em> sad now,” Mingyu declares adamantly. Minghao hasn’t been forthcoming about his feelings yet, but even he knows that there is nothing he can refute here. “Divorce is a huge deal, and you wouldn’t have taken that step if its outcome had made you miserable. In fact, if anything, I think you got divorced to escape the <em> misery </em> that the social institution brought upon you two.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mingyu,” Minghao glares warningly at the man. Mingyu seems unfazed.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Am I wrong?” <em> He isn’t. </em> But it makes Minghao wonder that if Mingyu was able to deduce the accuracy of his situation after interacting with him for only a year, could it be possible that Junhui would think the <em> same way? </em> </p><p> </p><p>“I guess somewhere along the line, I just– I fell out of love,” Minghao verbally confesses to someone who isn’t the reflection of himself in the mirror for the first time. It isn’t as scary as he thought it would be, admitting the truth to another living soul. Mingyu hums thoughtfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet you’re <em> still </em> in love,” Minghao looks at him with a raised eyebrow, clearly the Korean words getting lost in translation. “In love with <em> somebody else.” </em></p><p> </p><p>An image of a speckled face with glossy nut-brown eyes <em> flashes </em> in front of his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry. I won’t press on this subject,” Mingyu assures with dark and gentle eyes. Then his eyes shift behind Minghao and a look of <em> recognition </em> followed by <em> adoration </em> floods his face. “I think our time is up anyway. I hope you both resolve your issues, Myungho-yah.”</p><p> </p><p>Minghao takes a deep breath and turns his body around in the chair, his tunnel vision focusing on <em> one and only one </em> person.</p><p> </p><p>In the past four years, everywhere Minghao went, he thought Junhui had been <em> chasing him, anchoring him, tormenting him. </em> He saw traces of Junhui in every person he met, in every food he ate and in every place he visited. <em> Fragments. </em> But those versions only spanned from <em> 16-year-old Junhui </em> on the second day of his high school to <em> 26-year-old Junhui </em> on the night of his bachelor’s party. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui had this penchant of always looking young, wild and free, defying the standards of normalcy and enchanting humans with his beauty. </p><p> </p><p>The man that stands in front of Minghao looks old, the dark circles evident under his eyes. His face looks narrower and cheekbones seem sharper, a clear result of negligence over his health. The soft brown hair is longer, completely covering his nape. Junhui had always been taller and broader but now Minghao feels even <em> smaller </em> in comparison to the other man. But whatever may be the case, Junhui still looks like the <em> most beautiful human </em> that Minghao has ever laid his eyes upon and an <em> inexplicable yearning </em> spreads inside his chest like smoke, filling him up and suffocating him in it.</p><p> </p><p>“Myungho.” Minghao’s name has never sounded more <em> painfully foreign </em> as it does now while forming on the dried but rosy lips of Junhui.</p><p>
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</p><p>Minghao is feeling <em> euphoric. </em> The blissful feeling zaps deep in his bones, and he wants to <em> dance </em> to the tune that’s playing inside his heart. </p><p> </p><p>“For someone who claims to be a wine connoisseur, you sure can’t handle hard liquor, Minghao.” He hears Junhui’s fluttering voice echo in his ears. It’s airy and divested of worries, a <em> sweet melody </em> that easily melts the tension in Minghao’s muscles.</p><p> </p><p>Minghao notices they are in a hotel room, polished furniture and immaculate bedding, but he can’t remember how they reached here. He remembers Junhui throwing him a wild party, insisting on celebrating the last of Minghao’s freedom by going all out and hoping to make it the <em> most controversial </em> night of their lives. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui had used his influence in the film industry and was able to host a party in W Hotel in Seoul, inviting celebrities and having a top-charting idol group perform exclusively for Minghao. The alcohol flowed freely and this is the exact reason why Minghao was able to let go of his unyielding behaviour and enjoy. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao got an absolutely ravishing lap dance from Hansol, smoked a cigar with Joshua and Wonwoo, made an art deal with a film director who was introduced to him by Mingyu and danced with anybody willing to move their body against him. It’s been a beautiful night and Minghao does not want it to end. And he supposes that is how he’s found a way to this room with Junhui by his side because the other man has always <em> willingly </em> entertained Minghao’s wishes, no matter how <em> trivial or monumental </em> they are. </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Wen Junhui! It’s unfair that your alcohol tolerance is ridiculously high even when you rarely drink,” Minghao argues back indignantly. Junhui guffaws and takes a sip directly from the bottle of single malt whisky. Junhui never drinks to get drunk and always stops once he realises his body is reaching his limits. But tonight, Junhui is willing to bend his principles and Minghao wordlessly relishes in the <em> trust </em> that Junhui has in him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you have seen me drunk before,” Junhui propounds benevolently. </p><p> </p><p>That’s true. And Minghao is willing to go to the graveyard and have himself buried there rather than ever expose what drunk Junhui is really like. It’s something that is significantly <em> personal </em> to Minghao, and he’s content with the truth that only <em> he </em> is allowed to see this vulnerable side of Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>“It’d be so much fun to expose your antics to the whole world!” Minghao teases Junhui with a cocky smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, <em> Xiao Hao, </em> as someone who has always been there to witness your embarrassing incidents, I will have no qualms exposing them as well,” Junhui replies with a brilliant grin, pointing his finger mischievously at Minghao.</p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t,” Minghao gasps in fake exasperation.</p><p> </p><p>“I would.” Minghao gets up from the plush chair and ambles towards Junhui sitting on the other chair. Maybe it’s the alcohol that has stripped off his integrity, or maybe he believes he can later put the blame on the liquor for acting out his forbidden desires but Minghao slowly situates himself between Junhui’s muscular thighs. Instead of freaking out, Junhui gently places his hand on the small of Minghao’s back for support. Minghao feels <em> fire </em> seeping through his clothes.</p><p> </p><p>“Then let’s use them to hurt each other,” Junhui says as he lifts his chin to look Minghao square in the eyes. The nut-brown in Junhui’s eyes swirls into something <em> darker and tempting. </em> Minghao gingerly brings his hand to frame Junhui’s sharp jaw, soft and firm under his fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“I already hurt so much because of you.” They say alcohol makes a person say things they would never fathom to admit in their sober and conscious state. Essentially, it roots out dormant sentiments that are intricately twisted inside a person’s heart. Minghao had never considered that he was hurting because of Junhui but now that the thought is out in the open air, it surprisingly <em> makes sense. </em></p><p> </p><p><em> “I </em> cause you pain?” Junhui asks hysterically, digging his fingers into Minghao's back. “What do you know about pain, Xu Minghao?” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao’s fingers slither around Junhui’s jaw until they reach his nape. He gently combs through the silky hair, softer than satin and a repressed longing <em> blooms </em> inside his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“You have this perfect life, Minghao. You have this amazing job that you love and earns you good money. Your parents are proud of you and your friends love you unconditionally,” Junhui lists the reasons to counter Minghao’s claim. “And most importantly, you have this seemingly perfect man as your fiancé who would sacrifice everything for you. Minghao, you don’t know what it's like to be miserable.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you <em> do?” </em> Minghao asks while raising his voice, not wanting Junhui to have the last word.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Junhui whispers as he shifts Minghao’s lithe body so that he is completely sitting on top of Junhui, their bodies pressing against each other. Minghao places one of his hands on Junhui’s chest for support, right above his heart. He feels Junhui’s heart beating crazily. It is too <em> hot </em> and Minghao can see smoke manifesting from the heat produced by their bodies. “Every day. Minghao, <em> every day </em> a part of me dies when I look into your eyes. It aches me to pretend to adhere to the morals when all I really want to do is be <em> wrong </em> and take what has always felt <em> right.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Minghao’s addled mind takes longer to comprehend what Junhui said and the silence between them feels <em> deafening. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Gege. You–” There is a very small voice inside Minghao’s head telling him to separate from Junhui immediately because <em> this is wrong. </em> They are clearly crossing the line of friendship and this intimacy isn’t typical of them. But then other voices in his head are singing a rhapsody of love in the chorus and this moment feels like an <em> awakening. </em> This is something that Minghao has secretly wanted since forever but never voiced it in fear of losing <em> his past and his future. </em> </p><p> </p><p>But in this <em> present, </em> he sees Junhui, whose sublime beauty shines with the presence of wet eyes and trembling lips and Minghao gets consumed by the gravity of Junhui’s existence. The lines have blurred out and there is an incessant need to <em> ruin </em> their friendship tonight. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui wraps his palm around Minghao’s head and pulls him closer. His touch is cold, but it feels warm, it feels right. </p><p> </p><p>“This is your last chance to push me away,” Junhui says in muted tones. Minghao doesn’t resist and lets himself be pulled. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re crazy,” Minghao whispers back as he runs his hands through Junhui’s hair, messing them up and leaving his essence behind. “You’re <em> fucking </em> crazy, Wen Junhui.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re crazy <em> for me.” </em> Junhui releases an unbidden whimper, a distorted expression burgeoning on his face. He slowly meets Minghao’s eyes and the latter uncovers <em> years </em> of concealed pain swirling in his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“I am.” The resolution in his voice is strange considering they both are meant to be in their inebriated state. It manages to knock the breath out of Minghao’s chest and something rattles inside his heart’s chambers.<br/><br/></p><p>“Gege,” Minghao sweetly calls him. “Tell me– <em> tell me </em> you love me.”</p><p> </p><p>He needs to know. The knowledge of it won’t magically right the immorality behind his impending set of actions but right now, his heart wants what it wants, and it’s Junhui giving Minghao his love — <em> ardently and unconditionally. </em> If Minghao were to really stop and think about it, he’s unknowingly craved for Junhui’s love for a <em> decade. </em></p><p> </p><p>“All my life, I’ve <em> only </em> ever loved you, <em> bǎobèi.” </em> Their faces are almost touching now, their breaths fanning each other’s faces– breathing in each other. Minghao finally takes a trembling breath in, putting all his trust in Junhui as their bodies merge together.</p><p> </p><p>“Junhui-ge, I love you, too.” This confession might be the <em> easiest revelation </em> that has rolled off his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>When their lips finally meet, Minghao releases a content sigh and his mind is consumed by only Junhui and nothing else. <em> Nobody else.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Very slowly, a tame kiss turns into a heated dance between two naked bodies and Minghao burns every <em> word, </em> every <em> sensation </em> and all the <em> moans and groans </em> into his memory, carefully locking this moment inside a box and safekeeping it inside his heart.</p><p> </p><p>The night slips away and at the same time, a tornado flows around Minghao’s life, and it starts to crumble away from his hands, <em> slipping into oblivion. </em></p><p>
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</p><p>It feels like an out-of-body experience to interact with Junhui in the presence of old friends and new faces. It’s like he’s speaking to a <em> stranger </em> as he speaks in Korean with Junhui while using honorifics. Once upon a time, when it was just the two of them, they always communicated in Mandarin.</p><p> </p><p>They’ve all gathered around for one last rundown of tomorrow’s schedule and Joshua requests everyone to maintain a certain level of decorum which is an <em> unreasonable </em> request because even Minghao remembers that their group has an unsurmountable potential of creating <em> mayhem. </em> </p><p> </p><p>He tries to maintain his distance from Junhui which seems like a <em> useless </em> plan on his end as they both are the best men and designated to share their duties. Minghao thinks about independently doing his tasks but Junhui just silently accepts all the responsibilities with a blinding smile and Minghao follows his suit because he does not want to come off as a whiny little bitch for no good reason.</p><p> </p><p>As dusk falls, Joshua and Hansol finally bid farewell and everyone prepares to leave the venue to rest for the night. Minghao has a room booked in his name at the same hotel the wedding is taking place for convenience. So he starts to walk in the opposite direction of everyone but his attention is piqued as he hears a voice calling Junhui’s name.</p><p> </p><p>“Junhwi hyung?” He pretends to nonchalantly turn around and finds Seungkwan, Mingyu’s boyfriend and Junhui’s supposed best friend, looking at Junhui with a smile on his face. Minghao prides in having the ability to pick up on changes in people’s behaviour, and it eerily feels like Seungkwan has <em> cruel intentions </em> twirling in his mind. “Do you have anything important to do for the night?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really,” Junhui replies uneasily. The thing is Junhui is <em> equally </em> good at picking up on people’s emotions and this change in Junhui’s tone just solidifies Minghao’s suspicions over Seungkwan’s intentions.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re free?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Great! I feel like this is a wonderful opportunity for you to catch up with your <em> old friend </em> here.” Minghao freezes in his spot. “Isn’t that right, Myungho-ssi?”</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ </em> is what Minghao wants to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind,” is what he ends up saying.</p><p> </p><p>Junhui leans down to whisper something fervently into Seungkwan’s ears, the distress evident over his features as clear as a crystal and Seungkwan whispers something back with equal ferocity, worry etched all over his features. After their impromptu discussion, Junhui straightens up and releases a defeated sigh, apparently giving up on an argument that was <em> lost </em> from the get-go.</p><p> </p><p>“You can come up to my room if you want that hyung,” Minghao offers and then mentally <em> rebukes </em> himself for being so forthcoming.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah sure,” Junhui relents. “See you tomorrow guys.” Junhui takes one step forward, and it is one giant leap towards a dream that they both lived in another life.</p><p> </p><p>Minghao turns around, and they quietly make their way towards the room, exchanging a total of zero words between them. Back then, the silence between them was welcoming and natural. Now, it forms into a <em> vine made of thorns </em> and strangles Minghao until he is gasping for his last breath, hoping that <em> someone </em> with nut-brown eyes and speckled face will pull it off his neck.</p><p> </p><p>A dream starts to fray as Minghao witnesses the<em> sun setting in the blue. </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>🌅</p><p>
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</p><p>“Myungho?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Myungho?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m listening.”</p><p> </p><p>“Myungho, <em> look at me!” </em> Minghao lifts his chin from the poetry book to find Siwoo, his <em> beautiful and kind </em> husband, looking at him with a troubled face, the wetness glistening on his flawless face.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Minghao asks while abandoning his book to the side. He tries to reach out for Siwoo but the latter flinches away from him and Minghao gapes in horror.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we?” Siwoo asks weakly.</p><p> </p><p>“We are husbands,” Minghao answers automatically, the words feeling like <em> rubber </em> over his tongue. </p><p> </p><p><em> “No! </em> What are we doing?” Siwoo raises his voice and Minghao sees uninhibited fury whirling in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Siwoo falls back and finds a place on the chair across the room and Minghao slowly crawls towards the edge of the bed. </p><p> </p><p>“How did we come to this, Myungho-yah?” Siwoo asks in a dispirited tone and Minghao’s heart <em> crumbles </em> to see him like this. In the back of his mind, he suspects that his sins from the past have finally caught up with him and now because of his selfish desires, he’s broken the <em> last </em> good thing remaining in his life.</p><p> </p><p>“We used to be so madly in love with each other. What happened to us, huh?” Siwoo is asking the questions that Minghao does not have the spine to answer. “Nowadays, you– it feels like you see me, but you’re seeing someone else.” </p><p> </p><p>Siwoo was always able to see him for who he really was and Minghao isn’t even surprised that he figured this out too. Because for the past three years, Minghao still <em> sees </em> Junhui everywhere he goes and still <em> feels </em> him if he keeps his eyes closed. </p><p> </p><p>“Siwoo–”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Don’t speak. I don’t need your explanation now. It’s too late, and I just want to stop hurting.” Siwoo replies passively. “I– I’m done. I want to end this. End what we have.”</p><p> </p><p>A part of Minghao had always wondered how it would feel when the time came where he and Siwoo would have to inevitably part ways. He knew that the love they shared was synthetic, the authenticity of it lost somewhere in the last three years. In his imagination, he always used to see himself crying along with Siwoo, giving each other the comfort of touch till the last moment of departure. At this moment, the few meters distance between them feels like an <em> endless ocean </em> and no matter how hard and fast Minghao swims, he would never be able to reach out to Siwoo.</p><p> </p><p>Their love had died a long time back and there is nothing Minghao can do to resuscitate it.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. If that’s what you want, I’m not going to stop you. I’ll call Jeonghan hyung tomorrow morning and ask him to draft us a divorce agreement form,” Minghao supplies robotically. It’s practically laughable how easily Minghao puts the option on the table as if he’s been living with the possibility of it happening for a very long time. </p><p> </p><p>“When did you stop loving me?” Siwoo asks. Minghao takes a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“I still love you, Siwoo,” Minghao says it with resolute eyes because it is the truth and there is no denying it. A part of Minghao will <em> always </em> love Siwoo, and he’ll always hold him dear to his heart. “But I am not in love with you anymore,” He finishes with a regretful tone.</p><p> </p><p>Siwoo nods his head with understanding written all over his face as if he’s always known that.</p><p> </p><p>“What went wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>This is the end and there is no point in pretending. Siwoo deserves the truth and this confession has been long overdue. Minghao holds his breath and counts to five and at that moment, he feels the earth beneath his feet <em> move, </em> feels his head <em> burst </em> from the pressure and <em> drowns </em> in the puddle of his lies. </p><p> </p><p>“There is no easier way to break this to you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Minghao starts. Tears start to meander down his cheeks and at this very moment, he hates himself. Completely <em> loathes himself. </em> “I slept with Junhwi hyung on the night of my bachelor’s party.”</p><p> </p><p>Yet he can’t find it in himself to hate Junhui for tempting him to commit adultery.</p><p>
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</p><p>Back in Minghao’s hotel room, he slouches on the bed and fidgets with his phone while he watches Junhui sit next to the window, the glass pane opened and a pack of cigarettes in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you don’t mind,” is all Junhui says before flipping open the pack and taking out a lighter from his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>So Wen Junhui <em> smokes </em> now. Minghao would be lying if he said he isn’t affected by this. He watches Junhui place the stick between his lips with his veiny hands that <em> tremble </em> lightly and hears the sound of lighter clicking. Minghao quickly averts his eyes and pretends to check his phone but after a few seconds, he hears Junhui exhale the cloud of toxic smoke. </p><p> </p><p>The smell of nicotine paralyses him, but he is not sure if it’s a good thing or bad.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingyu told me that you’ve been living in Anshan lately,” Junhui says. Minghao looks up and sees Junhui looking at him through a faint fog of smoke. It reminds him of the night he drove to Cheonan-si to pick him up. If only Minghao had properly scrutinised his dedication towards Junhui back then, they could’ve been in a better place right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it’s the only home left that I haven’t <em> destroyed </em> yet,” Minghao replies cynically while running his fingers through his hair. This distance between them agonises him and on top of that, this is the first time he’s with Junhui alone and sober after realising years of his buried yearning. This distance is <em> bloody torturous. </em></p><p> </p><p>Junhui silently smokes and Minghao feels the start of the oncoming migraine in his temple, passively inhaling the smoke that Junhui exhales. It’s fucked up that he relishes in this poisonous exchange of air inconspicuously.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve picked up smoking,” Minghao notes, finally addressing the elephant in the room. He notices that Junhui’s hands have stopped shaking, and it’s a <em> brutal </em> realisation that Junhui has developed nicotine dependency.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he agrees. “I picked it up because I was trying to quit something else.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you succeed in your endeavours?”</p><p> </p><p>Junhui leans forward to flick the ash on the tray placed on the coffee table then he pensively shakes his head and stubs the remaining stick in the tray. He flops back in the chair and closes his eyes taking a deep breath in.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Junhui says with a sad tone. “Alcohol, sex, travelling, spirituality. I’ve tried everything but nothing works.” </p><p> </p><p>Minghao doesn’t know what Junhui has been trying to quit but by his tone, the only natural thing left to do is sympathise and try to understand what’s wrong with him. Wasn’t this what he used to do back when they still called each other friends?</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I knew how to <em> quit you.” </em></p><p> </p><p>The life that Minghao had so <em> painstakingly </em> curated and adapted himself to comes crashing down on him. It gets thrown against the wall and like a porcelain plate shatters into millions of shards, broken and dangerous. It feels like his veins are drained out of the last remaining drop of blood and only numbness remains in his body. He tries to speak but his lips won’t move. He tries to stand but his legs won’t move. Finally, this state of helplessness <em> overpowers </em> his body, and he finally finds the release in the form of tears originating from his eyes like a <em> gushing river. </em></p><p> </p><p>Minghao dissociates from his surroundings for a little while and only comes back to his surroundings when he feels something warm press against the knobs of his vertebrae along with the smell of nicotine intensifying. But he doesn’t hate it, and he instinctively reaches out for Junhui, clutching the front of his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“You left,” Minghao weakly mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Junhui looks at him with questioning eyes. Minghao takes a gulp and clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p><em> “That morning!” </em> Minghao remembers the day when he saw Junhui so tall and ready to leave in the early morning. A fresh set of tears start spilling as he experiences the heartbreak all over again. “You just got up and left. You walked out of my life like it meant <em> nothing </em> to you, Wen Junhui!” Minghao growls while shaking Junhui’s body, tightening the grip over his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>Once the realisation dawns upon Junhui’s mind, he scowls and roughly grips Minghao’s wrist, looking at him reproachfully.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you expect? You were crying <em> while </em> we fucked, you were crying <em> after </em> we fucked. Xu Minghao, did you honestly think I’d stay when I could clearly see you were hurting so bad?” Junhui raises his voice as well and the latter realises that they both aren’t only the <em> shittiest </em> people on this planet but also the <em> dumbest. </em> A different fire rages inside Minghao, and he cannot control the calamity that comes along with it.</p><p> </p><p>“I was crying because I was <em> overwhelmed! </em> Alright, a part of it was from the guilt, but mostly it was because I was so fucking <em> happy </em> to have you in my arms! I was happy to hear that you loved me, that you <em> only </em> ever loved me all your life. I would’ve called off the goddamn wedding if you just stayed, you fucking piece of shit!” Minghao beats Junhui’s chest continuously while delivering the last words. </p><p> </p><p>“Minghao–”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for being a despicable being and not calling off the wedding after you left because I didn’t want to end up alone. I was fucking scared, <em> okay? </em> I had already lost one out of the two men who were important to me that morning and I couldn’t afford to lose the other one,” Minghao tries to explain, hoping that his reasons would justify his horrible deeds.</p><p> </p><p>Junhui wrenches Minghao’s hands away from his shirt and pulls himself off the bed, slowly walking in circles over the carpet.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what, Minghao? You and I? We don’t deserve good people to give us their love. We both deserve to end up <em> lonely and miserable,” </em> Junhui snaps with a distressed emotion over his face. Minghao wipes the tears from his face carelessly and observes Junhui. His heart is <em> red </em> with love for Junhui, and he wants to finally say what he <em> hesitated </em> to say four years back.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right. We don’t deserve others to give us love,” Minghao agrees with this point without any pushback. “Because you and I deserve to end up with each other. Everything was wrong from the start because you and I weren’t together. We tried to find love in others because we were too damn scared to lose one another in the likelihood of us admitting our feelings. My failed marriage and your inability to settle down with someone is the result of our cowardice, <em> Junhui-ge!” </em> </p><p> </p><p>Junhui freezes in his spot and finally looks at Minghao. His eyes are neither dull nor furious, but there is an <em> enigmatic tenderness </em> in those gleaming eyes and after a very long time, Minghao thinks that Junhui is warming up to the idea of opening his doors again and letting Minghao in.</p><p> </p><p>“Minghao,” There is a quiver in Junhui’s voice that leaves behind a shiver up Minghao’s spine. “This love has already made us suffer so much. If we decide to give us a chance, who is to say that our love won’t end up destroying us?” </p><p> </p><p>“If that happens, then it would be worth everything on <em> heaven and earth </em> combined to be destroyed by your love, Junhui,” Minghao says with conviction. He steadily gets up from the bed and sews the distance between him and Junhui. </p><p> </p><p>With a profound delicacy, he frames Junhui’s jaw with his hands and looks up into his eyes, searching for the <em> man </em> who is in love with him.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t be able to live with myself if I end up being the reason behind your suffering,” Junhui confesses as he slowly slides his hands over Minghao’s arms until they end up covering Minghao’s hands over his jaw.</p><p> </p><p>“Then end my suffering by giving me what I want, gege. I’m not scared anymore. Fill me with your love until I’m overflowing with it. And even after that, <em> don’t stop </em> because I will do the same and flood you with my love until every fibre of your being is painted with it,” Minghao says, and it feels like he is giving Junhui his ultimatum.</p><p> </p><p>Something shifts in the air and a very small smile veers on Junhui’s lips, his eyes crinkling on the corners with it. And then, Minghao witnesses the eighth wonder of this world that is Wen Junhui’s brilliant, boxy grin. His eyes sparkle with the remnants of tears and Minghao loves him, <em> falls in love </em> with him all over again. His smile is infectious and triggers a smile on Minghao’s face as well and smiling after crying brings a sting to his face but Minghao welcomes it lovingly.</p><p> </p><p><em> “I love you, </em> Minghao. I always have, and I promise to continue loving you even after my soul has departed from this realm,” Junhui sings to him a <em> melody </em> that Minghao has yearned to hear for years. It blossoms roses over his heart and Minghao leans forward and kisses Junhui without any hesitation. </p><p> </p><p>The first thing Minghao tastes is the bitterness of nicotine, but it slowly melts into something delightfully saccharine and Minghao <em> drowns </em> in it. He hopes to replace the cigarettes in Junhui’s life and linger on his breath instead until Junhui gets addicted to him and <em> only him. </em></p><p> </p><p>Junhui groans from this surprise attack but quickly adapts to it and kisses Minghao back fiercely, sliding his hands down Minghao’s body until they rest over Minghao’s waist. This kiss tastes <em> richly sweet </em> and Minghao moans into it as if he had been waiting for it for years. Four years to be exact. Junhui smiles against Minghao’s mouth and starts to licks over his lips playfully. Minghao had missed this mischievous side of Junhui, and now he remembers how he loved Junhui even when the man brought him headaches with his antics. But all those memories are <em> fond </em> and Minghao feels so elated that <em> it hurts. </em></p><p> </p><p>Once it gets hard for both of them to breathe, they pull back with matching grins and bright eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Junhui dazedly exclaims. Minghao snorts at his ridiculous reaction. “From not talking to each other to this. I think it would be a wise decision to keep it to ourselves for now and not give Joshua and Hansol a heart attack on their wedding day,” Junhui suggests with a goofy smile on his face. Minghao nods, knowing that it’ll be better to cultivate their relationship steadily rather than publicise it from the start.</p><p> </p><p>After wiping their tears and hydrating themselves, they both settle down on the bed, sitting side by side, close to each other. Minghao traces obscure patterns on Junhui’s thighs while the other sits back with his eyes closed.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, all these years, I’ve been gathering <em> red beans </em> in your name. It’s nice to see the beans have finally rooted themselves and are growing into a <em> tree,” </em> Minghao tells him with a fond smile on his face. Junhui releases a muted chuckle and then straightens up, opening his eyes to look at Minghao with a serene smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed this poetic side of yours,” Junhui reveals. “Although, I would appreciate it if you leave the pretty words to me as I am the scriptwriter by profession.”</p><p> </p><p>“What would you have me do instead?”</p><p> </p><p>Junhui ponders gravely with a pout on his lips. Minghao patiently waits for him, thinks that he is willing to patiently wait for Junhui for a whole eternity in the greater scheme of the universe. Junhui’s face finally glows up with something and Minghao notices that he finally looks like his old self again — <em> young, wild and free. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you paint me as one of your Spanish boys?” Junhui asks with mirth swirling in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Minghao refuses instantly. Junhui’s eyes droop with disappointment but Minghao is quick to shed any doubts formulating in his mind. “I would not paint you like them. You are the one who holds my heart and I will celebrate that by immortalising your breathtaking beauty and painting you as my <em> only </em> Chinese man.”</p><p> </p><p>Even in the dimness of the room, Minghao witnesses a pretty pink flush over Junhui’s cheeks, and it’s a beautiful sight that he wants to <em> burn </em> in the back of his eyelids.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t let you win all the time, Xu Minghao,” Junhui contends weakly</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve never been able to win against me, Wen Junhui!” Minghao challenges with a smirk on his face. Junhui sharply turns his torso towards Minghao and looks at him with a critical glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but in the end, I was the one who came out victorious by taking your heart so who is the <em> real </em> winner here?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am,” Minghao holds on to his ground and then bursts into a peal of giggles as he watches Junhui’s shocked face.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yah!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>One thing leads to another and they both end up laughing, just laughing while falling over each other until happy tears spill out of their eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao’s clenched soul finally <em> unfurls </em> with a conviction that tomorrow when the morning will break, the <em> sun will rise in shades of pink and orange, </em> and he will be reborn as a new man with a <em> home </em> where he can rest his head without any worries.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>🌄</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>A pleasant breeze springs over Junhui’s face as he looks out the empty classroom window, the evening sun washing everything in tones of blood orange. But one person, <em> one boy </em> manages to emit his golden glow like the stars in the sky and stands out in the crowd for Junhui, and he can’t help but admire and soak in the <em> warmth </em> that the boy spreads.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, I can’t believe you’re checking out boys without me, Junnie.” He turns around to find Joshua looking at him with a disapproving scowl on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-what are you talking about? I was just taking a break after sweeping the floors,” Junhui quickly defends himself as he picks up the discarded broomstick from the floor and waves it towards Joshua’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Joshua says with a smirk. “So <em> who </em> are we looking at?” he asks while standing next to Junhui to look down at the field where myriad of students are scattered. Junhui sighs, knowing there is no point in hiding things from Joshua at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“The new kid that I’ve been assigned to mentor, Seo Myungho. I’m just looking out for the boy,” Junhui tells him as he turns to look back at Minghao pushing a boy to the ground and what can he only assume, verbally abusing the poor boy. Or maybe Junhui is <em> wrong </em> and Minghao might be saying lovely things with a ferocious expression on his face. <em> Tough love. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think he needs your protection here,” Joshua comments as he witnesses the squabble.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe he doesn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard that Seo Myungho is a cool kid. Probably <em> too cool </em> for you, Junnie,” Joshua says. Junhui takes great offence at that comment and instantly looks at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yah! How can you say that? I’m older than him and automatically <em> cooler </em> than him!” Junhui asserts fervently. Joshua smiles but doesn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>They both turn back to look at the field and find Minghao gently wrapping his handkerchief around the fallen boy’s knees and talking to him with a soft expression on his face. Junhui’s heart <em> skips </em> a beat at Minghao’s kindness.</p><p> </p><p>“So this is your type? Cute boys with outspoken personalities and kind hearts?” Joshua asks. </p><p> </p><p>Junhui doesn’t entertain him with an answer because even he isn’t sure if that is the right answer. He just knows that Minghao makes him feel old and young at the same time, makes him feel like he can be himself. Junhui isn’t very good at distinguishing these emotions but with Minghao, he feels <em> right. </em> He feels like he’s home reading a <em> wuxia </em> novel and immersing himself in the stories of the warriors while he hears the gentle notes of <em> dizi </em> being played in the background. </p><p> </p><p>Minghao is special, and it’s <em> all that matters </em> to him at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel bad for him. He’s gonna end up suffering so much if he gets stuck with you,” Joshua says and by his tone, Junhui knows it's meant to be harmless banter. So he doesn’t understand why an emotional part of him <em> compels </em> him to say his next set of words.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe it’s me who is gonna end up with <em> greater suffering,” </em> Junhui mumbles incoherently, the words out in the world yet only restricted to him. He doesn’t even realise what he has said until Joshua shakes his shoulder, and he comes out of his reverie to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say?” Joshua asks with a worried look etched all over his face. Junhui reels himself back to reality and sheds away that heavy feeling from his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“I said let’s go to the PC Bang and whoever loses will pay for dinner!” Junhui grabs Joshua’s arm and pulls him towards the door, already taking his silence as an affirmative. </p><p> </p><p>Joshua starts to wrestle with Junhui and they both make their way out of the school building with interim punches and laughter encircling them.</p><p> </p><p>They stumble into Minghao on their way and invite him to join them. Minghao courteously accepts and gels easily with Junhui and Joshua, the cordiality swimming <em> naturally </em> among them.</p><p> </p><p>A <em> bird </em> starts to rattle inside Junhui’s chest as Minghao slowly warms up to him. He puts a smile on his face and places shackles on the legs of this bird, dolefully <em> silencing </em> it and <em> burying </em> the evidence in the forgotten pits of his heart.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>in china, the red bean has another name, love pea or xiāngsī dòu. xiāngsī contains a lot of meanings: lovesickness, yearning, infatuation and remembrance.</p><p>thank you for reading! ♥<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/redsyub">twitter</a> | <a href="https://curiouscat.me/redsyub">curiouscat</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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